Dietetic Sinners: Bacon & Egg Breakfast Pizza

Once upon a time I lost my job and since it was a bad time for anybody to be out of a job I was extremely grateful to find a job at a certain Midwest convenience store chain. They have a very wonderful breakfast pizza that you can buy by the slice. It came in bacon or sausage and the bacon pizza was delicious! I never learned how to make it while I worked there but I think I made a pretty good guess in replicating it here. I also learned a few things about being a gas station attendant. I wrote these all down some time ago and just thought it was fun to look re-read and roll my eyes at my younger self=)

1) There is a lot that needs to be done when on duty and as the only one in the store, besides the kitchen cook, it all has to be done by me. When given the list of chores that need to be completed each night it seems a simple task. I'm not afraid of cleaning. But here's the catch: it ALL has to be done between customers and usually when the gal in the kitchen can watch up front for me. That is kind of hard to do when she has her own set of stuff to do and you know what, she just might be busy making pizzas (which is her job). So *sigh* I have to somehow manage to do all this crap in between customers. So I apologize in advance for not being chatty.

2) Just so you know, I have to watch you while you pump your gas. Wait. I have to greet you and let you know that, yes, I see you, and no you may not drive off. This means that I can't get any of my tasks done. Annoying. But this could have all been avoided had you decided to pay-at-the-pump. (We were one of the few stations in the area that did not require you to pre-pay).

3) Okay, so you didn't pay at the pump. That's okay, I understand that for some people cash is king. Oh wait. Your going to pay with your card. Inside. Okay, maybe you wanted a soda or something. Makes sense to make it all one trip. Um, okay, you walked all the way inside just to pay for your gas with your card?! *rolls eyes* You need to get some friends if your daily gas purchase is your only interaction with people (theory one). You need to get over your distrust of new technology (theory two) You need to ask for help to learn to use said technology,this is usually older people but I have seen a few teens suffer from this affliction (last theory).

4) A word or two on pumping gas. I know it's a difficult task but being a little observant on your part can save you AND me some stress. All pumps are different but have always seemed self explanatory to me. I can't believe how many times I've been proven wrong:

i. "Um, how come my pump isn't working/on" "Turn on my pump"-Because you have not completed the steps necessary for me to do so. I.E. you have forgotten to push a button or lift up the handle!

ii. "I need a receipt" "I didn't get a receipt"-You forgot to press a button again. In the interest of saving paper you will be asked if you want a receipt. SIDE NOTE: Crazy, right? I always need a receipt but apparently many people don't care about them and usually throw them away when they complete a transaction inside. Wish I made that kind of money so I wouldn't have to care about keeping track of it!

5) When you pump your gas it is common sense to stop smoking your cigarette and to turn off your car's engine...seriously, you people scare me! Gas fumes are flammable. Gas is a flammable liquid.

6) When you come into a convenience store to buy grocery items be prepared to be shocked. Yes, it really costs that much, and yes, I do know that they are only hot dog buns. I'm not forcing you to buy them. The grocery store is just a couple blocks down the street. It's not my fault that your too lazy to go there and save money!

7) I am appalled that many people go grocery shopping at the gas station, especially with their EBT cards (food stamps). That is definitely not being frugal. I know it is convenient but do yourself and your family a favor and go down the street to do some real grocery shopping for some real food. It makes me want to cry when I see your $500 dollar balance dwindle as it is spent on our highly priced goods. (Of course the sadder realization is you probably don't have a car and our city has no public transportation.)

8) If your card doesn't work because the magnetic strip is worn out, do the retail world a favor and get a new one. It's annoying to type in your number everyday.

9) Yes we see the same people EVERYDAY. Sometimes 3-4xs a day. Yikes! It feels strange to get to know customers on a first name basis. (We also know your life story too because you talk on and on, and yes, I gossip about you to others so be careful what you divulge).

10) If you like your beer and cigarettes (and lotto) please have your I.D. handy. This isn't some new law I made up on the spot. If you look under 40 to me I have to ask for proof of age. Very subjective I know. I mean I have never been good at guessing games! No I cannot accept your expired, broken card. No your FOID card is not acceptable. NO your traffic ticket isn't acceptable. Your high school I.D. is definitely not acceptable (that one made me laugh). However, if you come in a lot I'll get to know your face and quit asking. Don't be mad when I have a very busy day though and ask again. I see many faces a day!

SIDE NOTE: I really felt underpaid having to check I.D. Seems like that should be a cops job instead. Instead they send kids that are a day away from their 18th or 21st to try to make illegal purchases. That's a big fine, a trip to jail, a mug shot, automatic lose of employment and the store may loose their liqueur license. It's a big deal. Who wants a criminal record over some punk's desire to get some cigs (the most often sting-operated offense)?! As a clerk I shouldn't be obligated to police society. Parents, do that at home.

11) Beer and cigs are expensive. One pack of Marlboros in Illinois cost $6.05/pack (as of 2009). If that's a prob, quit. I know it's hard but it can be done. And to the just turned 18 year old complaining about it: why did you start at all?! Breaks my heart every time I see a young person smoking.

12) Don't wash your WHOLE vehicle with the windshield squeegee. It's rude and your scratching your paint job. We are located right next to the car wash.

13) I can't give you change for the car wash or anything else. It's against the rules because some ingenious a-hole came up with a money changing scheme that many poor clerks fall for. They like to confuse you and they end up with a ton more money than they started out with and your drawer comes up short. Don't ask me how, but it happens.

14) Lotto tickets and scratch-offs. Annoying. But also a lot of our repeat business. SIDE NOTE: If you have to be 18 to play why does the lotto commission have them in machines? I have no control over that! If they really cared about underage gambling they wouldn't exist just like cigarette and beer vending machines are on the way out or gone in most states.

15) $100 bills. Grrrrr!

16) You really do have to wear shoes and a shirt inside. I insist and Corporate insists. It's for safety reasons. I have dropped so many breakable items and I imagine my co-workers have too. Ouch!

17) Gas drive-offs. That comes out of my pocket if I didn't do my job i.e. watch you like a hawk. Hard to do when I also have to do my crap and help customers inside. *rolls eyes* (Thankfully this never happened to me but it did happen to others).

18) Not being able to drink my cup of water where customers can see me. Is this really that offensive?

19) Drink refills. If you have that cool re-usable mug, awesome! If you don't I'm not really allowed to let you refill. Why? Because people come in with their nasty days old Styrofoam cup that hasn't been washed. Because some people dig them out of the trash and don't wash them just to save a few cents. It's a health code violation (at least in that county). Keep that in mind when you get your fountain soda.

20) The threat of robbery. Scary. The gas station down the street from us got robbed. *heebie-jeebies*

21) Cameras. They are not there to watch customers really. I mean they do, but they are mustly used against employees. My managers would watch that thing just because they had nothing better to do and they thought we lazy the night before. Seriously??!! I have a gazillion things to do BY MYSELF and you guys have 3-4 people on days sometimes. Of course you get your crap done...oh wait...you don't! That's because you get to sit on you butt and watch the security cameras, check gas prices, smoke a cigarette, yap on your cell phone. Not very productive. Could have at least filled the ice bin.

22) Rude customers. Throwing their money at me. Talking on cell phones while checking out. Being impatient at me when the satellite system goes down or when it's raining cats and dogs. An ounce of kindness can get you far. And by and large most of customers were very nice. Some were weird but most very cordial and friendly.

I will always respect the hard work of all gas clerks. It's not an easy job but someone has to do it, but I found out that person is not me! Like I said I wrote that a couple of years ago and found it while rearranging some old files. I've enjoyed this look into the past but now for the real reason you came here today: pizza!

Gather some fried up bacon, nacho cheese sauce, your favorite pizza dough, some eggs, and cheese. Lots of cheese.

Prepare your egg (or eggs) with a tablespoon of milk per an egg in a microwavable bowl.

Mix it all up. Your making scrambled eggs!

Stick in the microwave for about 30 seconds. Re-stir. Continue cooking until finished another 30-45 seconds. I like cooking it like this so it's easier to cut uniform pieces.